Chapter 1:

#SmutSpiral

Adorable.
Like a puppy?
Or like your dream girl?

At midnight, it was hard to tell if this was flirty banter—
or just banter.
And God, I wanted us to be more.

He never missed a chance to tease me about being in the top one percent of our class, especially since I was also the youngest.

And Parker wasn’t supposed to be my best friend.
He was supposed to be my first love—
and hopefully my most thrilling mistake.

I glanced at the blue Post-it stuck to my laptop: “Vibing confidence and composure.” 

Lie.
I wasn’t confident.
I wasn’t composed.

But somehow, Parker made me feel like I could be.

Fake it until you make it.

Except I’d already run out of energy to keep faking.

My neck craned sideways—an ergonomic nightmare.

With only a few hours left before my valedictorian speech, my fingers flew across the laptop keyboard in a frenzy. Genius at work, or madman? Probably both.

Zara breezed into my room, silk robe trailing behind her like she owned the night. My best friend. My opposite. Effortless where I was a mess.

“Prin! When you texted SOS, I didn’t think it was this bad.”

“Only nine hours until game time.” My voice was flat. If only I were a clutch player.

 “The speech is excellent, but something’s off.”  Her face puckered, like she was squeezing her thoughts the way one presses a lemon to flavor a French tart.

“Just nervous.” An acidic taste hit my tongue when visions of my classmates’ faces staring back at me from the audience surfaced. 

Doritos. 

I should’ve skipped that late-night snack instead of indulging my artificial cheese addiction.

Zara eyed the yearbook beside her. She’d thrown herself into editing it after her sister died. Her staff photo tucked away on the back page, hidden beneath layers of French tulle to camouflage her grief. 

Post-it Lie #2: My actions have not caused someone’s death.

Another lie.
Because Zara didn’t know—
her sister’s blood was on my hands.

Outside, the sound of footsteps hitting the pavement drifted in through my open bedroom window, and I glanced outside. Parker.

Zara smirked like she could read my pulse. “So… when are you telling him you’re madly in love with him?”

Heat rushed up my throat.
Before I could answer, her gaze landed on the spiral notebook by my bed.

“What’s this? …PFS?”

Parker Fantasy Spiral.
Every smutty daydream, every cutout dress, every scrap of evidence that I wanted him as more than a friend.

“Zara!” I lunged, but she held it high. “We’re just friends.”

Her grin was merciless. “Sure. Friends who look at each other like slow-burn romance novels. This notebook is basically fanfiction starring you and Parker.”

I threw a pillow. She caught it. Of course.

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you—those dark, dreamy, screw-me stares.”

My pulse stuttered. “We’re just going to the Coronado Bell Tower tomorrow. After graduation. Parker has a secret set of keys.”

She dropped her voice, conspiratorial. “The Bell Tower after graduation? Everyone knows that’s a makeout runway. You’ll need prep time. Waxing. Makeup. Maybe handcuffs.”

“Handcuffs?” My voice cracked.

“Kidding. Mostly.”

But her smile said she wasn’t.

“I don’t know, Z. Maybe it’s not meant to be. I’m bad luck to everyone I touch.”

Death, to be exact. It seemed to follow me, surround me.

“Nonsense. You’ve been nothing but a sister to me.”

If only you knew what happened to your little sister—everything I touch eventually dies.

She grinned. “Half the girl’s dorm already has bets on whether he’s a McDreamy, a McSteamy, or a McScreamy. After tomorrow, you’ll be the judge.”

Could it really be happening—for Parker and me? After years of almosts and maybes, was it finally our turn?

A knock. 

Then he was there.

Doorway. Harvard T-shirt.

Billboard model pretending not to pose.

My heart forgot how to beat.

“Sorry I’m late,” Parker said, voice casual, eyes not so casual. “Got caught up with something.”

Got caught up with something.” Something or someone?

“Thanks,” I mumbled, taking the bag of jellybeans. “What’s the excuse this time? Another chem emergency with pheromone girl?” 

 I thought of the countless Coronado Prep girls who swooned over him—flirty birds of prey fluttering their eyelash extensions like Morse code for what Zara called a BILF—Boy I’d Like To…

Parker grinned, casually aloof like the world was his. “What can I say? It’s hard being this irresistible.” His eyes flicked to mine, like he was waiting for me to deny it—or admit I already knew it was true. 

Zara rolled her eyes and flashed me a sly smile before heading to the door.
“I’m feeling like I need a skim, low-carb cream cheese break to focus. Be back in a sec.”

Before I could respond, she was gone. She was never subtle.

As the door clicked shut, Parker fixed his gaze on me and leaned against the desk—casual, but too perfect, like a model pretending he wasn’t posing.

Post-it Lie #1: “I’m grateful for my friendship with Parker S.”
Friendship. 

That was the lie that kept us safe.

 The one that kept me from losing him.

He sat down on the bed beside me, and passed me the bag. His fingers brushed mine, lingering too long. My breath caught. Heat surged through me, and I prayed he couldn’t hear the way my heart stuttered.

I tore the bag open, desperate for a distraction. “These look different than usual. Please don’t tell me they’re sugar-free and vegan.”

He rolled his eyes, his breath feathering my cheek, raising goosebumps. “Relax. They’re fully sugared, non-vegan, just the way you like them.”

I grinned, popping one into my mouth. “Thanks. I know your room’s basically a no-junk-food zone. All snacks need an invitation.”

“Who’s gonna supply you when I’m off in Boston?” he asked, half-smiling. But there was something sharp behind it. Something that made my chest ache.

I forced a laugh. “Guess I’ll have to find another sucker willing to share their stash.”

We traded banter—library disasters, cafeteria burger trauma—but the words started to blur when he leaned in closer. My heart galloped. Heat pressed in from every angle.

One more inch. One more second.

Was this it? My love-spiral moment? The kiss I’d dreamed of for years?

His lips parted—

***

Stay tuned for stalkers, slashers, heartbreakers, premonitions, and swindlers in these next chapters!

XOXO, Sabina